You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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