Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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