You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
