I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
