did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
