We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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