Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
