If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize