He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
