So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
