Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
