Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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