i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
