did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
