Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
