The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i drank out of a bidet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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