do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
