At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
