So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
