this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
