Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
