We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
