her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
