fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
