the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
