new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
