I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
