I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found the puke drawer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
