Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
