Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
