Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
