is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
