I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
there is glitter all over my balls
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
