Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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