i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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