I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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