nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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