Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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