I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
