I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
