if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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