i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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