dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
