I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
