hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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