I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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