Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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