He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
