you would pick up someone in the library
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
