her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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