chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
