we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
