he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
