By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
