When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
