I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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