Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
