he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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